Who should pick up the tab?

Posted by admin on September 20, 2007

After 10 years of being single, I have started dating a gentlemen who is financially secure and definitely making more money than me. I need advice on how to handle paying the tab when we go out. I feel uncomfortable letting him pay for everything. However, if I insist on paying my half, or even paying for the whole bill, I will have to limit the activities that we do together. How do I politely decline functions that I feel I cannot afford, without appearing uninterested in being with him? Should I discuss this with him? If so, how do I do that without making it appear as if I want him to pay for it? –labottor

Here’s some advice that’s free. Yes, level with the gentleman about your money concerns, but first make sure you understand their origins. Does your discomfort stem from worry that if he pays on the one level you’ll be required to “pay” on another? Or are you uncomfortable with being cast in the traditional woman’s role? Or do you simply like to feel that everything is equitable?

Once you examine where you’re at on this issue, initiate an honest, non-threatening cash-oriented talk. Have some possible solutions in mind: You let him treat you to expensive functions while he lets you treat him to home-cooked dinners, movie dates, etc. Plus, you can buy him little treats on occasion: a CD you know he’d like, his favorite author’s new book (out in paperback), etc.

While neither of you want to feel that the monetary balance must be tit for tat, you should be able to compromise on a fluid, comfortable way to handle the “who pays, when and for what?” hurdle — one that all couples have to get over at some time or another.

Do men like it when women ask them out?

Posted by admin on September 20, 2007

Men definitely like it when women ask them out. What’s not to like? But before you get busy with your phone and address book, there are a few things you should know.

For starters, a part of the guy will wonder if you’ve called him up because you want to have sex with him. Guys are generally hoping to have sex whenever they go on a date, so this probably won’t mean he’ll behave any different, but you might want to set some limits early on. (Unless that is why you called him.)

Also, be prepared for lots of dating gray areas: Who’ll drive? Who’ll pay? Who’ll decide where to go? The impetus is generally on the guy to control the flow of events on a date, but since you initiated things, how far will the initiative extend? Ideally, this will be part of the fun, but it can lead to baffled expectations on both sides.

Another thing to consider is something guys have been dealing with since time began: The answer might be no.

Five Golden Rules for First Dates

Posted by admin on September 20, 2007

Contributor: Diane Farr

You might know her as the lovely (and brave) cohost of MTV’s Loveline or from her current role on The Job, but this actress also has some hilarious secrets on friendship that she shares in her new book The Girl Code. Check out these five must-read dating rules before you go out on your next date — or send them to your favorite single friend! She’ll thank you for it!

The Ugly Underwear Rule

If you really want to hook up on a first date, wear your ugliest underwear. Inevitably, you’ll hook up.

The Unshaven Legs Rule

If you apply this and the ugly underwear rule at the same time, you’ll probably marry the guy.

R.K.

When the date is over and you think you like him but you’re still not exactly sure, a little recreational kissing probably won’t hurt him or you. And…it may help answer that question of whether you’re interested.

I.R.K.

Irresponsible Recretional Kissing is when you make out with him because you foolishly think you have to or when you already know you’re not interested and just aren’t mature enough to say so.

Pick Up After Yourself

If a girlfriend was kind enough to loan you an outfit for this important evening out, make sure you dry-clean it immediately. Don’t keep it, thinking you have some nostalgic right to adopt it. Return it – cleaned – by next weekend, or you could karmicly damage the date you just had. (Not really, but return her damn clothes anyway.)