Really Lousy Dates

Over and over again stories pour in to my advice column from brokenhearted people madly in love with partners that refuse to love them back. Why are some people afraid to let go and fall in love?

Fear.

Some of the reasons people have given for succumbing to fear of love are:

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I’ve had a bad marriage and a crazy divorce, and don’t ever want to be hurt again.

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I’ve had so many bad relationships and been rejected so many times in the past that I don’t want to take that chance again!

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Why bother? It won’t last anyway! Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. I’ve never even seen a good marriage, so forget it.

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Sooner or later THEY always dog you out and cheat on you…I’m not going to open myself up for that mess!

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I don’t want anybody to have that kind of power over me and my happiness. I’m fine all by myself!

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Being in love makes you act like a fool, just stupid. I don’t want to behave like that ever again. I was totally out of control.

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Love = marriage cooking cleaning bills and responsibility and that’s just not for me!

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Being in love makes me feel too dependent and needy and joined at the hip.

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All I want is some sex! Stick and move, stick and move. So many desperate women out here… I don’t need to be in love for that.

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I’d lose my sense of self and independence, and I don’t want anybody telling me what to do or asking me any questions about where I’m going either!

How to Handle Those Relationship Fears [...]

A Shorted Love Story

A man and a woman who had never met before and were both single.

They lived on opposite sides of the town and never met.

Soon, the monsters came, and the town was destroyed and everyone disappeared.

They never met.

Ladies,

Have you ever experienced the following situation:

You met an amazing new guy who might be “the one”, you went out with him, had a great time, met again and fell madly in love with him.

However, the moment you started to feel “safe” and things became stable, he out of a sudden withdrew.

From one moment to the next he became unavailable, found excuses not to see you or even worse, stopped contacting you at all.

You were totally shocked and disappointed.

What on earth had happened?

The answer is: Nothing.

Yes, you understand correctly.

What you have to know about guys is that they – in contrast to us – have what I call an “automated withdraw-mechanism”, that gets triggered whenever he experiences sudden intense emotional closeness to a woman.

Even if he enjoys being together with you as much as you do, his masculine instincts tell him there is danger and he has to defend his freedom. Consequently, he starts pulling away.

So how should you react when that happens?

Most important: Relax! Do not panic!

You have to know that what happens here is not personal at all. This is not about you.
What happens here is that the poor guy is just trying to keep his freedom, which he senses is in danger of being permanently lost. (because he starts to really like you, which is not bad at all, is it?)

But, ladies, things are not as bad as you think.

The important thing in this situation is to stay cool!

Do not panic and start chasing him! Do not try to regain control by doing things for him.

Why?

Because it will come across as neediness or desperation. And guys hate that, especially when the relationship is still fresh.

So what are you to do? [...]

Here is the interesting thing about men who attempt to avoid rejection from women; the moment they find themselves interacting with a woman, the pressure in their mind is much greater than the reality of the situation warrants.

In addition, thanks to their desire to avoid rejection, they also find themselves with fewer options than they should have in the situation.

Your desire to avoid rejection makes the few interactions you do have with a woman “one shot” deals and when you take that shot and miss instead of learning from it and moving on, you find yourself attempting a do over with her, at least in your mind. [...]

You met a girl, you got her phone number, now you called and got her voicemail or a answering machine telling you to leave a message. What do you do now, leave a message or just hang up the phone? This will depend entirely on what you are planning to do next. If your plan is calling her again in a few hours or on another day, then you just hang up the phone and continue on with your day.

However, if this is the last time you plan on calling her until she contacts you then you can leave a message [...]

It’s a prevailing idea in the dating game that you shouldn’t have to try to be someone else to make a man love you. A man should be able to love you for who you are – the real woman inside – and not someone you pretend to be. And if he can’t do that, well, then that’s his problem, and not yours. Women everywhere say this sort of thing all the time.

Sure, that’s the way things work… in an ideal world.

If you listen to these same women as they tell you about their own past relationships, you’ll realize that their dating lives are far from ideal. It’s easy to hear stories about how they weren’t loved for who they were, even if they were great women. It leads them to the conclusion that men these days simply don’t want to be with real women anymore.

Actually, that assumption is far from true – men actually do love real women. As the men make mistakes along the way in their relationships, these women sometimes forget the fact that they themselves make mistakes as well. Here are some of the biggest mistakes that great women make, which keep them from being loved for who they are.

Keeping negative thoughts is probably the most common mistake made by great women. These women have probably gone through a few relationships with men that didn’t go too well in the past. The problem is that these women don’t forget about the bad times, and instead turn them into “guidelines” in judging any new men who walk into their lives.

Unfortunately, men can sense these negative vibes a mile away. [...]

You may be the best looking guy around town and can continue to rant on how girls would fall at the sound of your voice but until you take the initiative to approach any lady, whatever you claim will just be claims. The truth of the matter is that most guys are afraid to approach the women that they are eyeing. Especially for guys who have been rejected before, they are afraid to experience another bruised ego if they were to be rejected again.

But are women that hard to approach in real life? Here are some wonderful tips to help you with.

1. Do not hesitate

Women love to see confident guys approach them and seeing they body language of a guy approaching them, they immediately are able to detect whatever you are trying to do. Nervous guys are a turn off for women and not only would you be rejected, it will make you more against approaching a lady in the future as your ego takes a harder hit because of the incident. Keep calm and remain confident, or you would have lost the battle before it has already begun.

2. Keep trying

Thomas Edison did not figure out what material to use for the filament of a light bulb in an instant but he stayed positive and eventually achieved success. Similarly, if you do not succeed for the first time, do not be dismayed! There are millions of other girls that you have yet to approach, so what makes you think that just because one of them rejects you, the other will too? It is important to remain calm and confident and not let yourself be affected by a setback.

3. Have a good topic to converse about

It would be great if you can be able to plan out what you want to do first before [...]

What can you do if you like a guy but you don’t know if he likes you back? It’s a frustrating situation, because you’d feel stupid if you aggressively asked him out and he turned you down, that would be incredibly embarrassing!

Well, here are 3 surprising ways to tell if a guy likes you back, and it takes all the risk out of it.

First, it’s important to look at this from the guy’s point of view. No matter how nervous or embarrassed you may be about wanting to know if he likes you, he’s got it worse.

Why? Because he’s the one who’s supposed to stick his neck out there and possibly get shot down. So the way to find out if he likes you is to open the door a little and see if he sticks his head through.

By removing HIS risk to show you that he likes you, you’re removing your risk as well. So here’s how to do it: [...]

Flirting is not always easy, especially if you haven’t had much practice. The following 10 flirting tips provides some general flirting ideas. Use these basic flirting tips to develop your own style. Do what is natural and put your own spin on these flirting tips.

Eye Contact

If someone catches your eye, try to catch theirs! Just make sure not to stare, you do not come off as crazy or creepy.

Wink

Everyone likes to get a wink now and then. Once you lock eyes across the room give a wink! In case she did not catch the signals you were sending, she will be sure to know you are interested when she gets your wink.

Smile

Send a bright and inviting smile. Who could resist it? You will appear cool, confident and approachable.

Compliments

Approach her with a compliment, “Wow, you smell amazing. What fragrance are you wearing?” or “You play a pretty mean game of pool.” Choose wisely, it’s your opening line. [...]

Eye contact is one of the most powerful tools any man can use when attracting and seducing a woman. Strong eye contact is rare. If you make eye contact, you’d be surprised how quickly most people’s eyes will dart away. When you make eyes with a woman, never break eye contact first. Even if it has been 10 seconds (which is an Eternity when staring into the eyes of a stranger) do NOT BREAK. If anything, at that point you could stick your tongue out or something silly to break the tension.

Strong eye contact will turn a girl on. It shows that you are comfortable with yourself and others. A true alpha male will never break eye contact first, whether it be with a man or a woman. This might be very hard for you at first, but there is a simple task you can do which will give you strong eye contact skills. Walk around and make eye contact with everyone. Never break first. If its a guy chances are he’ll just look away, or if he holds it for a while usually a “whats up man” will follow as you pass. If a guy gets serious with you saying something dumb like “what are you lookin’ at buddy” just say “thought you were an old friend, guess I’m wrong.”

Doing this with girls is fun. Whatever reaction she gives you, you can feel free to give back. If you get a smile, give a smile. If you get a hi, give a hi. Confident girls will hold eye contact and almost always smile. Unconfident girls will look away. Work on this every day and you will have strong eye contact skills, possibly the most important tool for picking up girls.

By Nathan Tyrock